The Contradiction of American Catholics

As an orthodox Roman Catholic, I am often frustrated by the attitudes of many people who share my religion. Catholicism in America has been Protestantized to the point that well meaning Catholics do not realize the inherent contradictions and fallacies of their beliefs. As a result, non-Catholics, understandably, do not have a clear conception of what it is to be Catholic, let alone know what the Church teaches.
One of the main things that bug me is how incredibly judgmental Catholics are. I repeatedly hear 'orthodox' Catholics talk about how 'so-and-so' committed suicide (as an example) and how 'so-and-so' is going to hell. Random church goers weren't given the authority to condemn people to hell. Also, wasn't it precisely that attitude that Jesus railed about against the Pharisees? "You brood of vipers..." ring a bell?
In order for something to be a mortal sin (a sin that is serious enough to cut a soul off from God's grace, rendering salvation impossible until forgiveness is sought) it must meet three criteria:

1.) Action must be a grave matter
2.) Person committing the grave matter must be aware of it's severity and sinfulness
3.) Full consent of the will

Now let's take a closer look at the example of a grave matter I provided above: suicide. Generally speaking, a person that is in a state of such despair that they are willing to take their own life, is probably not playing with a full deck. Usually these people are very disturbed emotionally (perhaps by traumatic experiences or simply their state in life) or may have mental pathologies, rendering rational thought improbable. When factors like these are present, it is impossible to say if a person can give their full consent to an action. Actions made under duress of any kind may not be a basis for eternal damnation, and only God can determine where a soul ends up after death. Based on this, I do not condone assuming anyone is in hell, from Mother Teresa to Adolf Hitler.
The idea that people who commit suicide automatically go to hell is so prevalent that it has even been represented in the mediocre film "Constantine", where one of the main character's sister kills herself, and based on that the Catholic Church would not give her a Catholic funeral because that person was damned. (I'm not aware of any Catholic being refused a funeral anyway, it's pretty absurd.)
Let's move on to the idea of being 'pro-life'. Now, I think it is fair to say that any Catholic claiming loyalty to the teaching of Rome will agree that abortion is reprehensible at best. However, I find that their are many Catholics that while they claim to be against abortion (and to them that means they are 'pro-life') have no objection to the death penalty. How this is possible, I'm not entirely sure. I wonder if they realize that 'death' is the opposite of 'life'. I wonder if they ever take a minute to think for second, "Hmm... I am pro-life and I advocate the death penalty. Something sounds a little off here, oh well!"
My understanding is that per John Paul II, the death penalty can only be considered if the person still poses danger to society at large even if incarcerated. I can't think of any persons that meet that description off the top of my head, but I'm sure they're out there.
Now for the topic that irritates me the most: marijuana. Catholics, although they may not be conscious of it, already agree that the civil law is not a litmus test for morality. If it were, they would not be against abortion. However, I have been amazed at how many 'orthodox' Catholics are staunchly, emotionally opposed to the use of marijuana.
When you approach them and ask why, invariably one of their first responses is "Well it's against the law". Getting by this is easy, and when you do, the next is "Well it's sinful".
For some time now I have been honestly thinking about the alleged 'sinfulness' of marijuana, and have questioned Catholics on the subject extensively. They will often say that the Church is against it, and repeat this ad nauseum, although they are ever unable to produce documentation of any kind regarding the subject.
I wonder if these people are aware of an elderly man who resided in California and was using marijuana legally and medicinally to control nausea. Federal officers arrested him, threw him in prison, and put him on a different nausea medication. It wasn't long before he was found dead in his cell, choked to death on his own vomit.

These are just a couple examples of the attitudes I mentioned in the beginning, and it all stems from poor catechism to Catholic laity. Most Catholic school teachers are one of two types: Heretical or Reactionary. Either way, 50% of the time students are not learning legit Catholic teaching.
We cannot expect a new 'springtime' at any point this century unless we begin to teach our children solid Catholic doctrine at home and begin to distinguish our attitudes from our erring Christian brothers, the Protestants.